He really, really would have preferred a fight, but even he has to be honest with himself now - he would hesitate. He would hold back. Because he's scared. Katsuki experienced, truly experienced how dangerous he is - not how he can be, but how he IS, right now - and he hurt people he cared about. If he doesn't hold himself back sometimes, he might actually kill someone, and that thought, that realization, scared the shit out of him. He might not be at full strength due to his injuries stunting him somewhat, but he's still...a bomb. He's literally a bomb that can detonate at will, and that is dangerous. He is dangerous.
Yet people want to be around him, want to be in his company, and for once...Katsuki feels the same way. He wants, needs, and even enjoys he people he's found that he trusts, unconditionally. He didn't mean to just walk away and not check in on Uraraka, he thought...he didn't know what he thought. Maybe the others would pick up where he slacked? They're her friends too, right? But...fuck, Todoroki was going through his own shit, and Deku, too. She was...left alone, huh? After all that. He mentally kicks himself, again and again, as he pulls himself up to sit, cross-legged, and grimace at how small and withdrawn Uraraka looks, curled up like that. He doesn't like it. She's usually so bold, so outspoken, so brave and tough...
He tenses, feeling a weird pang in his entire body when she almost slips again - his first name. When did she start doing that? That slip?? It's a little too...familiar, and Katsuki isn't sure how he feels about it. Of course he likes her, he's realized that when she put him on his fucking ass and saved him from the thrall, but speedrunning this sort of thing is...it's not how he wants it. On top of everything else, he doesn't need to start piecing together his romantic feelings. One thing at a fucking time, or he'll explode in a bad way.
But oh, that last part actually has him leaning forward, baffled and stupefied, as if it's the oddest thing he's ever heard in his life, because it kind of is.
"Are you really surprised by that?" Despite the turmoil of emotions she's feeling, Ochaco laughs a little. "Of course I missed you. I like spending time with you, Bakugou-kun." Does he really not know why?
"I feel like...you know you've always taken me more seriously than the others?" She asks. "Even Deku. Don't get me wrong, he's a great friend and I do admire him a lot, but he and the others are always so eager to jump in. Because I need the help, right? I know they don't mean it in a bad way. I know they're my friends and they want me to succeed. But sometimes it feels like...I can't do this on my own. And you've never treated me that way. You've always seen what I can do and respected that. You've challenged me to keep going, to keep improving. I really..." She looks down and away for a moment, trying to figure out how she wants to say this. "...I've always appreciated that about you. I don't know if I've ever actually told you that."
She does manage a bit of a smile now. "You've always spoken your mind and been true to yourself and your dreams. I think that's really cool. I think you're really cool. So, yeah, you dummy. I missed having you around this last month."
She takes another breath. It feels like she's getting herself under control again. "We don't have to talk about...it. Not until you want to. But, can't we just talk? Or go on patrols again or keep up with our training. We work well together. I don't want us to lose that."
Yeah, actually. The words are on his mind, make it to his throat, but get caught along the way with a myriad of other thoughts and feelings as Uraraka continues her explanation. Now, he's not so brain-dead to think that his classmates and himself aren't close - they are; closer than he's been with any group of people outside his immediate family - but he and Uraraka were never really in the same circle. She has her close friends, he had his. It throws him for a bit of a loop hearing that she actually enjoys spending time with him, specifically. He always expected her to get along more with Deku, or even Todoroki - those two are more Uraraka's...type? That's what he thought, anyway.
But she explains her reasoning, and Katsuki actually pauses again to listen, frowning at parts, and making faces at others. He's someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, and he's mildly frustrated and angry on her behalf, because a lot of that is just...really rancid horseshit. Izuku will be Izuku, no matter what, but he has drilled it slightly into the shitnerd's skull that they don't want or need him rescuing them - they can handle themselves perfectly fine without his intervention. But he never really thought it went past just Deku, but...she's right. Thinking back on it, the 'chivalrous' nature of a lot of their male classmates when it came to fighting the girls in their class, or class B even, was less about 'chivalry' and more...condescending. The expectation that they couldn't fight them properly, because they were females, was just downright bad shit. There's no chivalry when it comes to a real fight, and he would bet actual money that none of the girls would hesitate to go all about against anyone, tits, dick, or whatever they're packing, if they came at them for insidious reasons. The girls in the Hero Course are strong, and should be respected as equal fighters. Because they are.
He takes a deep breath, rubbing his face and feeling...deeply uncomfortable. Tight, almost, like someone's just trying to stuff him into a small space he doesn't fit into. It's almost hard to breathe...
"Yeah, we do." Have to talk about it. About what happened. Does he want to? Hell fucking no. Does he have to? Oh yes, abso-fucking-lutely. They HAVE to, because the longer they let that rift go, the bigger it will become, and Uraraka has already show she isn't having it. He just...doesn't understand. He doesn't get it.
"How...how the fuck can you just say that shit? You want me around, you wanna hang out and do stuff, you miss me. I just don't fucking get it." Is he wrong? Is he stupid or something? Katsuki looks away, coming his fingers through his bangs. He doesn't GET IT. "How the fuck can you, or anyone I beat the shit out of last month, just waltz up to me and say that sort of crap? That we can just...do shit again, lie none of what happened mattered! Am I crazy?"
Is he? Katsuki doesn't know, and his tone gets more strained and higher in pitch as he continues, his own emotions starting to come out.
"I wasn't even in there! I didn't even--...it just fucking happened, and it was lights out. Like I didn't even exist anymore!" His free will, his memories, his entire sense of self, was just shut off, like flipping a switch. It was terrifying. There was no way to fight back because his mind was just...off. Everything shut down when he was taken. There was no fighting back, no resisting it. "How can you fucking look at me, say all that shit about me being so great, when I almost strangled you to death?! Or drowned you! What the fuck is wrong with you?! All of you! Why aren't you mad?! Scared?! Why don't you hate me?! Even a little bit! WHY AM I BEING PRAISED WHEN I DON'T DESERVE IT?!"
It's just like Izuku. Katsuki still doesn't...understand. He doesn't understand how people can be this selfless. It doesn't register for him yet, he still needs more experience and growth in that way.
As Bakugou lets it out, about what the Green Knight did to him, what he was made to do, how whoever it was dancing to the Knight's tune categorically was not him, and how much he seems to loathe himself for what he was made to do, Ochaco's heart breaks. She's always thought of him as strong, and he is. He survived being kidnapped by the League of Villains, was right there when All For One made his public return, a man so overwhelmingly evil just his presence left the rest of them utterly paralyzed with fear. He's a Hero who jumps heedlessly into danger and has been fighting at the front lines as Japan's society collapses...and he's breaking under the sheer weight of how badly the Green Knight violated him. Of course she knew that, on some level, knew what had happened to him and that it must have effected him, but she wasn't prepared for the way he lashes out at her, the others, and himself most of all. For not being strong enough to stop the Knight.
He genuinely can't comprehend why they don't all hate him for it, because he clearly hates himself. So moves towards him again...and hugs him. She just wraps her arms around him and holds him close to let him know.
"None of us hate you, Bakugou-kun. Of course we don't. We just want to help you be able to stand back up again. You can rely on us. You can rely on me. Please...please don't keep these feelings inside. They'll just tear you up." Her own voice is breaking a bit.
He hates every word that spills out of his mouth, like the dam he built and fortified just breaks all of a sudden, without warning. Uraraka, and really any of their classmates, are among the few Katsuki would ever allow to see him like this - vulnerable, unstable, and...in his eyes, weak. It's just, he can normally fight back against the usual threat, even mind control and someone trying to puppet his body around. That sort of thing he thought he could handle, because his will is so strong. He expected to be able to win against something like that because, well...he was used to what their world could throw at them. His expectations were thrown off entirely, and there was no way to do ANYTHING. Because his mind DID NOT EXIST under the Green Knight's control.
Katsuki is strong, he's brave and he's also...just a kid.
He's just a kid, and he got scared. He got scared and he hates that. He hates how he was forced to realize just how dangerous he is. How dangerous his quirk can be - the same one that he's so unbelievably proud of, that has helped him time and time again...the quirk that's aided him to coming so, so close to achieving his dreams. The same quirk that saved his Hero - the same one he helped end. That realization was so profound, and so horrifying, that he's just at a loss for how to even vocalize it. How anyone could look at him and still have anything positive to say. He would understand if they were upset, scared, if they blamed him even a little. He should have been better, he should have been stronger, but he wasn't. He wasn't and he deserves to be blamed. He is not, should not, be above consequence.
"Why--" the words die in his throat. The moment Uraraka holds him, he freezes up and goes quiet, arms raising up on reflex, but stopping, hesitating, unsure of what action to take. Shove her off? No, they've come too far for that. Hang by his sides? It's tempting, but he needs this. He actually needs this, and honestly? She's the best one to comfort him, perhaps the only one he would actually accept in this way, too.
So after inhaling sharply, and exhaling shakily, Katsuki's fingers curl and tighten around Uraraka's smaller frame and grip tightly into her clothes. His teeth grit together, eyes squeezed shut. The stupid, stubborn, assholeish side of him wants to deny that he needs help - he can stand on his own just fine - but that'd be a lie. Or at least a half truth...and Katsuki hates to lie. He does need help. He does need to be saved.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-09-01 04:28 am (UTC)Yet people want to be around him, want to be in his company, and for once...Katsuki feels the same way. He wants, needs, and even enjoys he people he's found that he trusts, unconditionally. He didn't mean to just walk away and not check in on Uraraka, he thought...he didn't know what he thought. Maybe the others would pick up where he slacked? They're her friends too, right? But...fuck, Todoroki was going through his own shit, and Deku, too. She was...left alone, huh? After all that. He mentally kicks himself, again and again, as he pulls himself up to sit, cross-legged, and grimace at how small and withdrawn Uraraka looks, curled up like that. He doesn't like it. She's usually so bold, so outspoken, so brave and tough...
He tenses, feeling a weird pang in his entire body when she almost slips again - his first name. When did she start doing that? That slip?? It's a little too...familiar, and Katsuki isn't sure how he feels about it. Of course he likes her, he's realized that when she put him on his fucking ass and saved him from the thrall, but speedrunning this sort of thing is...it's not how he wants it. On top of everything else, he doesn't need to start piecing together his romantic feelings. One thing at a fucking time, or he'll explode in a bad way.
But oh, that last part actually has him leaning forward, baffled and stupefied, as if it's the oddest thing he's ever heard in his life, because it kind of is.
"...Hah?" Missed him? Him? "Why?"
no subject
Date: 2024-09-01 04:49 am (UTC)"I feel like...you know you've always taken me more seriously than the others?" She asks. "Even Deku. Don't get me wrong, he's a great friend and I do admire him a lot, but he and the others are always so eager to jump in. Because I need the help, right? I know they don't mean it in a bad way. I know they're my friends and they want me to succeed. But sometimes it feels like...I can't do this on my own. And you've never treated me that way. You've always seen what I can do and respected that. You've challenged me to keep going, to keep improving. I really..." She looks down and away for a moment, trying to figure out how she wants to say this. "...I've always appreciated that about you. I don't know if I've ever actually told you that."
She does manage a bit of a smile now. "You've always spoken your mind and been true to yourself and your dreams. I think that's really cool. I think you're really cool. So, yeah, you dummy. I missed having you around this last month."
She takes another breath. It feels like she's getting herself under control again. "We don't have to talk about...it. Not until you want to. But, can't we just talk? Or go on patrols again or keep up with our training. We work well together. I don't want us to lose that."
no subject
Date: 2024-09-01 05:39 am (UTC)But she explains her reasoning, and Katsuki actually pauses again to listen, frowning at parts, and making faces at others. He's someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, and he's mildly frustrated and angry on her behalf, because a lot of that is just...really rancid horseshit. Izuku will be Izuku, no matter what, but he has drilled it slightly into the shitnerd's skull that they don't want or need him rescuing them - they can handle themselves perfectly fine without his intervention. But he never really thought it went past just Deku, but...she's right. Thinking back on it, the 'chivalrous' nature of a lot of their male classmates when it came to fighting the girls in their class, or class B even, was less about 'chivalry' and more...condescending. The expectation that they couldn't fight them properly, because they were females, was just downright bad shit. There's no chivalry when it comes to a real fight, and he would bet actual money that none of the girls would hesitate to go all about against anyone, tits, dick, or whatever they're packing, if they came at them for insidious reasons. The girls in the Hero Course are strong, and should be respected as equal fighters. Because they are.
He takes a deep breath, rubbing his face and feeling...deeply uncomfortable. Tight, almost, like someone's just trying to stuff him into a small space he doesn't fit into. It's almost hard to breathe...
"Yeah, we do." Have to talk about it. About what happened. Does he want to? Hell fucking no. Does he have to? Oh yes, abso-fucking-lutely. They HAVE to, because the longer they let that rift go, the bigger it will become, and Uraraka has already show she isn't having it. He just...doesn't understand. He doesn't get it.
"How...how the fuck can you just say that shit? You want me around, you wanna hang out and do stuff, you miss me. I just don't fucking get it." Is he wrong? Is he stupid or something? Katsuki looks away, coming his fingers through his bangs. He doesn't GET IT. "How the fuck can you, or anyone I beat the shit out of last month, just waltz up to me and say that sort of crap? That we can just...do shit again, lie none of what happened mattered! Am I crazy?"
Is he? Katsuki doesn't know, and his tone gets more strained and higher in pitch as he continues, his own emotions starting to come out.
"I wasn't even in there! I didn't even--...it just fucking happened, and it was lights out. Like I didn't even exist anymore!" His free will, his memories, his entire sense of self, was just shut off, like flipping a switch. It was terrifying. There was no way to fight back because his mind was just...off. Everything shut down when he was taken. There was no fighting back, no resisting it. "How can you fucking look at me, say all that shit about me being so great, when I almost strangled you to death?! Or drowned you! What the fuck is wrong with you?! All of you! Why aren't you mad?! Scared?! Why don't you hate me?! Even a little bit! WHY AM I BEING PRAISED WHEN I DON'T DESERVE IT?!"
It's just like Izuku. Katsuki still doesn't...understand. He doesn't understand how people can be this selfless. It doesn't register for him yet, he still needs more experience and growth in that way.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-09 03:03 am (UTC)He genuinely can't comprehend why they don't all hate him for it, because he clearly hates himself. So moves towards him again...and hugs him. She just wraps her arms around him and holds him close to let him know.
"None of us hate you, Bakugou-kun. Of course we don't. We just want to help you be able to stand back up again. You can rely on us. You can rely on me. Please...please don't keep these feelings inside. They'll just tear you up." Her own voice is breaking a bit.
"I don't want to lose you."
no subject
Date: 2024-09-13 11:29 pm (UTC)Katsuki is strong, he's brave and he's also...just a kid.
He's just a kid, and he got scared. He got scared and he hates that. He hates how he was forced to realize just how dangerous he is. How dangerous his quirk can be - the same one that he's so unbelievably proud of, that has helped him time and time again...the quirk that's aided him to coming so, so close to achieving his dreams. The same quirk that saved his Hero - the same one he helped end. That realization was so profound, and so horrifying, that he's just at a loss for how to even vocalize it. How anyone could look at him and still have anything positive to say. He would understand if they were upset, scared, if they blamed him even a little. He should have been better, he should have been stronger, but he wasn't. He wasn't and he deserves to be blamed. He is not, should not, be above consequence.
"Why--" the words die in his throat. The moment Uraraka holds him, he freezes up and goes quiet, arms raising up on reflex, but stopping, hesitating, unsure of what action to take. Shove her off? No, they've come too far for that. Hang by his sides? It's tempting, but he needs this. He actually needs this, and honestly? She's the best one to comfort him, perhaps the only one he would actually accept in this way, too.
So after inhaling sharply, and exhaling shakily, Katsuki's fingers curl and tighten around Uraraka's smaller frame and grip tightly into her clothes. His teeth grit together, eyes squeezed shut. The stupid, stubborn, assholeish side of him wants to deny that he needs help - he can stand on his own just fine - but that'd be a lie. Or at least a half truth...and Katsuki hates to lie. He does need help. He does need to be saved.
Not by a Hero, but by a friend he trusts.